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. Naw, man.I can t do that to you It s no worries.I ve got the money for the ticket, rent s covereduntil my next shoot.It s good.I ll leave tonight, come back ChristmasEve.It ll be no big.You ll have someone there, right? For three days? Chase, that s insane! Yeah, but I don t think that s out of the court for me, Tango.I mreally just held together with ball stitching and glove oil, you re theonly one to see it, is all. It ll be fine.Don t worry about it.Seriously. And Chase came out of the bathroom with his cell phone tuckedin his pocket and the regular phone in his hand. Babe, he said, trying to meld the two sides of his brain togetherwith words and Oreo cookie filling, I ve got some good news andsome bad news. By the time he was done explaining, Mercy was looking asconfused on the outside as Chase felt most of the time on the inside. Your dad s sorry, and he s coming for dinner, but you ve got togo somewhere for work? Chase nodded. A bridge went down.Don t worry.They ll getme back here by Christmas Eve.I ll probably get off the plane in timeto go grocery shopping. And you will never know where I went or why,and why it was so important, even if there s no sex involved.You llnever know that I could fuck the whole Johnnies stable, and it wouldn tfeel as disloyal as this one goddamned act.Mercy shook her head. Babe, you d better.I can t be in herewith that man by myself. Chase nodded, promising that he would, and then went into theirroom to look up tickets on the computer.On his way, he made a call toJohn.DEX came with him, because John had called him and apparently heand Tango were friends from way back.John also took care of theticket, which was a load off of Chase s mind, just because he didn twant to explain the expense to Mercy.The two of them caught the red-eye to Boston out of Sacramento, and Chase barely remembered topack his warm jacket, gloves, and scarf.Mercy had given him a deep,sad I ll miss you kiss as Dex had sat waiting patiently in the car hewas going to leave in long-term parking, and Dex s eyebrows raisedironically as Chase got in, shivering from the concrete cold of SolsticeDecember. What did you tell her? he asked, and for a moment Chasewondered if there was judgment in his voice, and then he rememberedthat Dex and Scott had shared the same room and the same bed fora week before Dex went back to Sacramento and a girlfriend.No, nojudgment there.Probably just taking notes. I m working road construction and a bridge collapsed inBoston. Dex was drinking coffee from a Starbucks mug, and he made theraspberry sound that said he d just spit some back. And she boughtthat? What did you tell your girlfriend? Dex sobered. An old friend from Montana called with a sickmother. Yeah, well, Mercy knows my old friends and she knows theneighborhood where I grew up and she knows where I go to school.AllI got is my job, and that s a lie too.I ran with that. It was his own guiltthat was making his voice sharp, they both knew it, and Dex noddedand grunted, and they didn t say anything else on the way to the airport.When they got there, it was all terse instructions and surfing on theirphones as they hopped from foot to foot in the airport holiday trafficand hoped they got to their flight on time.Finally, they were boarded, overnight bags stowed above them,and some of the tension of getting onto the flight seemed to havedissipated the tension of talking about lies they told to keep their livesfrom unraveling.The attendant came by with soda and nuts andblankets, and Chase was about to put his earbuds in, pull the hood ofhis Sac State sweatshirt up, and listen to music when Dex made a soundin his throat like he wanted to talk. Hmm? Chase turned to him, all of his defensiveness apparentlyleft on the ground in Sacramento. I was his first top, Dex explained bluntly, a reminiscent smileon his face. God, he s fun in bed. He s wonderful out of it. Yeah? He s a nice guy. Dex looked at him and shook his head in confusion. I don tknow I d say more wicked than nice.But in a fun way.Why d he callyou? Chase shrugged and looked out the plane window, thinking thatthis was his second time in a month on a plane, when he hadn t left hishome state for the entire twenty years before.He knows my real name and I know his. Just needed someone, I guess. Suddenly there was a warmth on Chase s cold hand, and Dex slong, capable fingers folded over them.Chase looked at him, startled,and Dex shrugged. I can fuck another guy on camera, Chance.Why can t I comforta friend? Chase smiled, and when Dex smiled back, Chase could see thefaint lines at the corners of his eyes that said he was getting closer tothirty than to twenty. I m a friend? Yeah.Why not? We ve barbecued together. Chase managed a faint chuckle. Besties forever, right? You re a jock, Chase.Maybe forget besties. I m a gay man, Dex.Maybe forget everything about myself. Yeah, maybe so. They were quiet for a moment, and then Chasesaid, How do& how do you put this shit in boxes? You know.In yourheart. He actually heard Dex swallow. I don t know, man.You figure itout, let me know. I don t even know what we re going to do for him when we getthere. I don t think we have to do anything.I think maybe we just haveto be there. The sound Chase made then was so bitter it almost filled hismouth and choked him with bile. Yeah.Until Christmas Eve morning,when I come back and help my girlfriend cook for the fucker whospawned me.God, I need a fucking box for that. Dex s hand tightened on his, and Chase kept his face turnedaway, looking outside the plane window as the moonlit tops of thesilver clouds shifted beneath the plane.DEX was like Bruce Wayne or something.He had Tommy s mom saddress from emergency contacts or something like that, and theylanded, called a cab, and there they were.It wasn t a greatneighborhood, but it wasn t a ghetto either: worn, working class, butwith neatly trimmed lawns under the ragged layers of dirty snow.Therewere modest Christmas decorations on almost every house, includingthe one where Tommy was supposed to live, and tiny garages where the cars went to defend themselves from the cold and the salt that broke theice on the roads.Dex was the one who used the old-fashioned knocker on thewooden door, and Tommy looked as surprised as hell when he sawthem there. Hey, Tango, Dex said with a forced grin. How you holdingup? Tommy took one look at Chase, standing there next to Dex, andthrew himself into Chase s arms like a child.Dex met Chase s eyesover Tommy s head and excused himself inside, closing the door softlyagainst the snowy cold.Chase held him, just held him.Tommy didn t cry or say anything,just huddled in Chase s arms, a tight, shivering ball of energy, andChase tried to shield him from the darkness and the cold and the pain.Eventually his teeth started chattering, though God, it wasfreaky cold here in Boston and Tommy looked up, that smile flashingthrough the& oh God.Tommy had been crying, and Chase had missedit. Pussy, Tommy muttered thickly, trying to sound tough, andChase felt his own chin quiver
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